This thought of "a magic moment" has been following me around for a few days. I have been going through some kind of meta-physical crisis and I could feel that something was wrong but I just didn't know what. My head was spinning, my heart was heavy. Most of the time I wanted to scream and then fall into a coma.

I stumbled onto Becky Earl. I have seen her before on Framed but I guess my mind was not ready to let this information filter in yet. That's when it started. I felt like a giant snowball rolling down a hill towards the village that was my life. Rolling and growing in size about to destroy everything I have created, everything I have worked for. All my plans and ideas which seemed so perfect and within my grasp just last week now seemed asinine and a waste of time.

What happened? What happened to me that I no longer felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't know. All I knew with my heart and soul is that I need a change and that for some unexplainable reason I was now obsessed with shooting film. So I did what the next logical step was. I bought the Guide. I started searching for a camera. I called my soul-tography sister Gina, but...even thought I knew I was on a new path, the right path something still seemed off. I had to make changes. I had to reassess my business and my home-life. I had to prioritize.

I had to realize that I had failed as a mom while trying to be a business woman. I had to realize however painful it was, that I only vaguely remember the past 9 month of our family life. With a husband who worked crazy hours and me trying to grow my business and bring in money that we have come to depend on, I failed.

I failed my inner child and I failed my children. I wasn't there. I checked out. Something had to give. The irony hit me like a hammer and broke me into a billion pieces. I spent my days capturing memories for other people but I have none of my own. My head is filled with numbers, sessions, props, clients but it should be filled with my kids. And I should be fulfilled. And for the past few days I have been.

I have no clue what all this means yet or where it will take me. All I know is what I know now. And when I know better I can do better. And I know my priority is nurturing all the kids in this house. My kids and my inner child.

"The stringent requirement of a sustained creative life is the humility to start again, to begin anew" ~The Artist's Way

And the realization that I must once again start over, leave my beaten path and get on a new one and believe that it will take me to where I am supposed to be, is my magic moment.